Kuebiko Drafts Scarecrow Charter

Kubiko in his Elvis avatar
Kubiko in his Elvis avatar
Scarecrows
Scarecrows (Photo credit: MrGiles)

It is widely rumoured that Kuebiko, the Scarecrow God, is going to present a Scarecrow’s Charter at the Wilmslow Scarecrow Festival this Saturday. The charter is intended to protect the rights of scarecrows.

A first draft of the charter has been leaked, although apparently not by Edward Snowden,  and we are pleased to be able to produce it here;

Scarecrow’s Charter

Before starting work, employers must give scarecrows a Scare Order.

This sets out many of the terms and conditions of employment. However, scarecrows must still be given anti-bird protective equipment by their employer.

Trainees have different rights, eg they don’t get rattles or clappers.

A Scarecrow is someone who works in:

farming ,

growing produce including non-edible crops like bulbs, plants and flowers

forestry, market gardens and nurseries

maintaining meadow or pasture land, woodlands and reed beds

providing that they scare birds away.

This list doesn’t include everything. If you’re not sure if a job counts as work in scarecrow culture, call the Pay and Work Rights Helpline

Grades

A scarecrow’s grade is based on their skills and responsibilities

Grade 1 – initial grade

A grade 1scarecrowis usually known as a Mommet  and works on simple tasks like standing still in a field.

They have the right to be trained to become a grade 2 scarecrow, or Hodmedod, once they’ve stood in the same field continuously for 30 weeks.

Grade 2 – Lead Scarecrow or Hodmedod

Someone is a grade 2 scarecrow if they have at least 1 of the following:

  • a leg
  • their       own stick

Someone is also a grade 2 worker if they:

  • work mainly unsupervised
  • work with birds
  • use noise-making equipment
  • can recognise  a tractor

Grade 3 – Team Leader or Tattie Bogle

If someone has worked in the same field for at least 2 of the past 5 years, they’re a grade 3 worker if they have either:

  • got their original head
  • not been reconstructed more than 4      times due to loss of straw, decaying material, bird attack etc.

Someone is also a grade 3 worker if

  • they can spell ‘ team’ by using a      ouija board.
  • their employer thinks they are a      grade 3 team leader and has been certified as sane.

Grade 4 – crafty grade

Someone is a grade 4 worker if they are Worzel Gummidge.

Flexible workers

Flexible workers must be able to sway in the wind.

A full-time flexible worker works:

  • a 39 basic hour week – the hours can vary over different days, some      hours being longer than others.

For more information, go to kuebiko@thescarecrowsofnortonthrossle.guvnor.uk